Do you find yourself getting angry often?
Have friends, loved ones or colleagues told you that you need to calm down?
Do you think you need to calm down?
Thoughts on Anger
Anger is a very powerful adaptive emotion that can surface when we feel frustrated, hurt, humiliated, disappointed, annoyed or threatened.
The anger response is not unlike the stress or panic response; adrenaline and other stress hormones course through the system almost instantly, the heart rate accelerates, blood pressure rises and the person becomes poised to act.
The all-important question is whether it is necessary to get angry in the first place?
Anger as a Common Occurrence
There are times when some level of anger is clearly appropriate: someone tries to cheat or take advantage of you; someone is intentionally dismissive or insulting to you; a person behaves rudely to you or to someone you care about.
At work: You may find yourself frustrated with a co-worker, colleague or the even the boss. You may have a client who tries your patience or perhaps even insults your intelligence. The work you are doing or the deadlines you have to meet can cause you to feel stressed to the max. If you’re not careful, these circumstances can cause angry responses that may jeopardize your position.
At home: We may even get angry with our children or spouses. Have you ever found yourself repeating the same requests of your kids several times before the frustration of their non-compliance makes you lose your temper? You may not like the fact that you became angry, but sometimes you may feel that it is only then that they take notice.
When a person finds himself in a mood bordering on anger, a casual remark by his spouse can feel like a cutting criticism and he may lash out angrily. These types of heated interactions, if occurring too often, can potentially lead to serious marital conflict.
Anger as a Serious Issue
There is a real difference between having an occasional angry response and anger being your primary response.
When someone’s mood is typically seen as edgy, tense and appearing angry most of the time or his customary reaction to things is seen as aggressive, we naturally think of that person as having an anger issue.
Some people learn early on to use aggression (be it verbal or physical) to settle an argument between family members. This frequently sets them up to repeat those behaviors later on.
Others may develop an angry, aggressive style as a way of preventing themselves from the possibility of appearing weak or vulnerable.
It is as though they feel that the expression of anger is the only way to appear strong.
How we interpret things determines how we feel about them.
How your anger gets expressed however, is really the question. Are you unable to control your anger? Is it excessive and more powerfully expressed than necessary to make your point?
The angry person often views the world as a hostile place in which he must always be on guard to protect himself from those wanting to take advantage of him.
We humans have been designed to use the aggressive nature of anger to defend ourselves when we are attacked. The angry person often feels that he is being attacked and must defend himself.
It is this warped perspective or misinterpretation of what constitutes a threat that needs to be addressed and changed.
If you are a person who is very sensitive to criticism for example, you may feel that someone offering a little constructive criticism is actually trying to insult or disrespect you.
The excessively angry person, one who lashes out, bullies or intimidates others with anger, is one who has not developed ways to express emotions effectively. He may bottle up his feelings and explode after they accumulate. Or he may simply explode instantly, as soon as something is said or done that triggers his extreme behavior. He becomes immediately aggressive instead of appropriately assertive.
How I Can Help
Anger Management: Changing Angry Behavior to Appropriate Behavior
If you or someone you love are having problems with anger and angry behavior, I can help.
Anger Management is not just a bunch of strategies that can help someone to deal with this issue, but more a perspective shift that helps them to see things differently.
Working together we will drill down to the core of the problem; identifying patterns, mindsets and attitudes that drive dysfunctional angry behaviors.
Through training, a client learns to analyze and understand his triggers; those things that tend to prompt unwanted behaviors, and make the shift both psychologically and behaviorally.
It is only when a person better understands what compels him to feel the way he does, will he then be able to learn how to alter and ultimately transform his behavior.
You may still have doubts about seeking help for Anger Management
Some men think that they don’t need help with their anger if they haven’t hit or hurt anyone. They may have become belligerent, yelled or screamed at their kids or spouses but not actually physically assaulted them.
You don’t need to nor would you want to actually wait until you did something physical before you got help for anger management.
The old expression comes to mind: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”.
Getting help for the aggressive way you express yourself is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family. Do not wait any longer!
What to do now?
You can contact me for a free telephone consultation.