Sexual compatibility does not necessarily have anything to do with how often you have sex together. It also does not mean that every time the two of you have sex it needs to be the greatest sexual experience you have ever had. It is not about great performances.
Being sexually compatible is about the way you and your partner relate to each other regarding sex. It about the ease with which the two of you manage your sex lives together.
It is more to do with your perspective on how the two of you feel about your differences.
In other words are your sexual preferences such that you and your partner can be comfortable with each other?
Are there sexual desires or behaviors that you would like your partner to provide? Are there fantasies or desires you have but are fearful of discussing them with your partner? Do you and your spouse feel too embarrassed to discuss these things?
Sex counseling for couples can help to create a more sexually compatible relationship.
By helping couples to communicate more easily about their sexual interests and engage more in conversations that might, when left on their own, become awkward or non-productive, a sex therapist can help couples to bridge the awkward sexual discomfort gap.
Ideas about sexuality are formed early on in a person’s life.
It would seem understandable for example for a person growing up in a family where matters concerning sex were discussed openly to feel more comfortable talking about sex.
It would also seem more likely that someone whose family never discussed the subject, or even became uncomfortable if the topic came up, to genuinely feel nervous or awkward when sexuality is brought up for discussion.
The same logic applies to body image. Someone who has a good body image (happy with their body) may be more comfortable with sharing their body in a sexual relationship.
Someone who is ashamed of how they look is likely to feel more embarrassed about exposing themselves physically.
Sexuality is typically a complex matter. Even when couples start off having good sex together they are subject over time to revert back to their earlier perceptions of themselves and their previous attitudes.
These personal perceptions which we are not always aware of (EG: good or bad body image, family orientation, etc.) reside deep inside us and can show up and influence our attitude at any time.
We live in a society where inferences about sex or even blatant references to sex are everywhere. From advertisements using sexual innuendo to pornography readily available to anyone with an internet connection, sex permeates our world.
Its very presence everywhere might seem to make it easier for people to talk about sex or be more comfortable having it with their partners. However the truth is that each person has to come to grips with how they feel personally about the way they express their sexuality.
If you feel good about yourself, have confidence and good self-esteem, you are more likely to choose a partner who feels the same way. However, that does not necessarily mean that you will be sexually compatible.
When a couple is struggling with the awkwardness of their sexuality sex therapy can help them to find a path to becoming more comfortable with each other.
Sex counseling can help the couple become more compatible by advising them and facilitating the conversations they may feel reluctant to have on their own.
You and your partner can become more sexually compatible by working on your sex life. By taking this Sexual Compatibility Quiz you can determine how compatible you are at this time.
If you determine, after taking the quiz, that you need some help consider sex therapy to spice up your sex life. You can consider sexual compatibility counseling a form of sexual coaching which will help train you to feel and behave more comfortably with each other.
The Quiz
Please rate each statement with one of the following ratings:
Completely Agree (5 points); Sometimes Agree (4 points); Neutral (3 points) or Never Agree (2 points).
When you are finished rating all the statements add up your individual score and check the score key at the end of the quiz for your compatibility score.
1. Each partner must always be enthusiastic about having sex.
2. Each partner must be willing to initiate sex.
3. Setting specific time aside for sex is necessary.
4. I want my partner to be spontaneous when it comes to sex.
5. I would understand if my partner was not in the mood for sex.
6. It is best if a couple is direct with each other about their sexual needs.
7. Once an emotional commitment is made fidelity is expected.
8. Sex can be both playful as well as serious.
9. Being sexual with each other often involves more than just the sexual act.
10. Each partner needs to feel satisfied that they are enjoying sex equally.
11. Both partners should be open to sexual experimentation.
12. I want my partner to tell me that I am a good lover.
13. Sex doesn’t have to be romantic.
14. Being “sexy” starts with the way one feels about oneself.
15. Sometimes a gentle touch can create an intense feeling of sexuality.
16. It is best if each partner feels comfortable about initiating sex.
17. Partners should have regular conversations about their sex lives together.
18. I want my partner to understand what I consider a turn-on.
19. There must be romance for there to be sex..
20. There is no set number of times per week that a couple should have sex.
21. Having sex in different locations can be exciting and fun.
Scoring the quiz
Okay, so now that you have taken the quiz and added up your scores. It is now time to check your score against the scoring key. Then check your partner’s score. Add both scores and then divide the total by 2.
Remember that this survey is meant to amuse, inform and have fun with. Each couple has their own level of comfort with their sexuality. You can use this exercise to “stimulate” a dialogue on the subject. Have fun!
90-105 = excellent sexual compatibility
75-90 = good compatibility, keep it going.
60-75 = poor to fair compatibility, room for improvement.
below 60 = your sexual relationship needs help!
Some articles you may find interesting:
Sex Therapy: 8 Ways to a Better Sex Life
Do You Desire More or Less Sex Than Your Partner?
Click here to learn more about sex therapy and how it can help improve your sexual compatibility.
About the Author
Dr. Stan Hyman is a licensed psychotherapist and life coach in private practice in Miami, Florida. He works with couples struggling with powerful issues such as infidelity, careers and intimacy. He also specializes in treating addictions, anger, anxiety, stress, depression and work life balance.
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